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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27279868">A Funny Namesake</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/unepical/pseuds/unepical'>unepical</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Super Dangan Ronpa 2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>(Yes its a big part of the plot this time), Alternate Universe - Non-Despair (Dangan Ronpa), Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Childhood Friends, Fluff and Angst, Komaeda Nagito Being Komaeda Nagito, M/M, Self-Indulgent, Trans Hinata Hajime, Trans Male Character, autistic komaeda nagito, both of them are idiots</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 16:34:15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>19,159</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27279868</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/unepical/pseuds/unepical</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>When someone was born, the first thing people tended to see was the mark on their wrists. A name. It showed up the second that person was born, and started as black, becoming green after both parties had met, and red when the person belonging to that name died. It wasn’t a complex system, and almost everyone was taught about it from the second they became aware of their names. If you found your person, the life you’d live with them would be filled with good fortune and prosperity. Though, you’d have to be exceedingly lucky to even glimpse your soulmate. Let alone meet them twice.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hinata Hajime &amp; Komaeda Nagito, Hinata Hajime &amp; Nanami Chiaki, Hinata Hajime/Komaeda Nagito, Komaeda Nagito &amp; Utsugi Kotoko, Komaeda Nagito &amp; Warriors of Hope</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>98</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>491</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Completed stories I've read, Trans Centric SDR2 Fics</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. New Student</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I have absolutely no shame. I had this idea in mind for mONTHS but i had to finish my other fic. Please don't expect this one to be nearly as long or as well written, I was just having a bit of fun this time around.</p><p> </p><p>Ps. I am a trans guy, I was projecting &lt;3</p><p>CW's: Accidental deadnaming and misgendering but you'll understand when you read it</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>
  <span>Hajime fiddled with his collar as he was on his way to the new term of school- they were getting a new kid today and honestly, the brunette wasn’t really too interested. It happened once every so often and usually they’d primarily leave Hajime alone. He quietly adjusted his blazer over his wrist, the band-aid he’d used to cover up the name no longer visible to prying eyes, the cumbersome school bus finally arriving at it’s intended spot, the students on board all slipping off, offering their thanks to the driver. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The bell starting the school day simply was a start to the usual monotony of being an untalented and average highschooler. He spotted Nanami in the homeroom, sitting down next to her and slumping back in his chair. (It was literally the first period. His ribs shouldn’t hurt this much yet. It was concerning, but also not unheard of- he’d been overworking himself in the holidays.) </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What are you playing?” Hajime ignored the discomfort and peered over to whatever Nanami was doing on her console</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Skyrim, I think” she mumbled, wiping her eyes “I stayed up too late again… I might fall asleep in class today…” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Doesn’t that still happen even if you’ve had a good sleep?” Hajime recalled. She lived on energy drinks half the time, so he wouldn’t be surprised if that had permanently messed up her system, but even on a good night of sleep Nanami had a tendency to simply just conk out. It didn’t seem voluntary, as sometimes Hajime had ended up with her dropping out </span>
  <em>
    <span>on him. </span>
  </em>
  <span>It made everyone think they were together, and he admitted, originally he definitely wasn’t opposed to dating her, but the second they’d tried it out, they’d found it was far better just off as friends. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Maybe if I slept for a whole day I could stay awake… who knows” Nanami yawned “The teacher is here, by the way” The light-haired girl pointed slowly up to the door. Hajime was almost disappointed that the new kid hadn’t decided to show up. Miss Yukizome seemed pretty crushed too, proceeding to take the class roll half-heartedly </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His teacher was one of the few people Hajime knew who’d found their soulmate, her tattoo being green and a wedding ring on one of her fingers, giving the obvious hint. His parents hadn’t been soulmates, as much as they’d wanted to be. Hajime remembered when they’d split up a few years ago. Apparently they’d been sick of pretending, Hajime’s father finding his soulmate behind his mother’s back or something. Whenever he asked about it he was shut down or ignored. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Just as Yukizome was about to start the lesson, hurried knocks sounded on the door</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Come in” She trilled, the door opening to reveal a very out-of-breath new kid.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The second Hajime got a good look at the new guy, he felt his heart sink immeasurably, a sick feeling ploughing into his gut, shock rippling through him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>No fucking way. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>No </span>
  <em>
    <span>way </span>
  </em>
  <span>it was actually him. There was an entire fucking </span>
  <em>
    <span>country </span>
  </em>
  <span>and </span>
  <em>
    <span>he </span>
  </em>
  <span>ended up </span>
  <em>
    <span>here, </span>
  </em>
  <span>at Hajime’s school. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He looked different, for sure. Taller, older, but more noticeably his hair had gone from a light caramel colour to stark white. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m so sorry I’m late, I’ve really messed up, huh? On my first day, too.” The ‘new kid’ chuckled</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay! Just try your best to make it here on time tomorrow, I’ll go change the roll, so you should introduce yourself.” Yukizome gave him a smile and a thumbs up</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ah… My name is Nagito Komaeda, it would be a pleasure to make you my acquaintances” Komaeda bowed low, sitting himself on the chair in front of Hajime, pulling things out of his bag and placing them on the desk, eventually turning around to face the two behind him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hello! I don’t want to be a bother, but may I have your names? As you’re already hopefully aware, I’m Nagito Komaeda.” The white-haired teen held out a hand, that </span>
  <em>
    <span>name </span>
  </em>
  <span>glaringly obvious. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>If Hajime took off his band-aid, underneath would be a green name, inscribed with those two words. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Nagito Komaeda. </span>
  </em>
  <span>On Komaeda’s wrist there’s a name too. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Hanako Hinata. </span>
  </em>
  <span>That name wasn’t his. (Past the fact that Hajime had been born that way, it wasn’t truly his. It never would be.) To everyone he knew, that’s who he was- Hajime Hinata, </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> Hanako- no questions asked. He’d cut his hair and moved schools, proudly now able to say he was essentially unrecognisable from who he once appeared to be.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hajime Hinata.” The brunette shook that pale hand, Komaeda offering a breathy laugh</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s a funny coincidence- are you related to anyone named Hanako, by any chance?” Komaeda pried. Hajime just wanted to leave. Those two words on Komaeda’s wrist made him feel sick.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nah, sorry. Hinata’s a common last name. Last year we had three separate unrelated Hinata’s in the school. It was pretty nuts.” He lied easily. (Not about the Hinata thing. It </span>
  <em>
    <span>was </span>
  </em>
  <span>a very common last name)</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hm… unfortunate. You look a little bit like her.” Komaeda furrowed his brows, Hajime feeling the overwhelming impulse to run out of the classroom. “Though, you are rather generic, Hinata-kun. You look like someone gave you the default settings and didn’t alter a single thing.” The white haired boy then backtracked, waving his hands around “Ah! Sorry, not that it’s an insult!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>“I don’t really care, this is Nanami, by the way, she’s pretty nice”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hi” Nanami waved sleepily from the desk her head was on, Komaeda nodding vigorously </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s a pleasure to meet you both! Thank you so much for wasting time on useless scum like me” Komaeda smiled, turning back around in his seat </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It took almost all of Hajime’s willpower to not stick a bandaid on the name on Komaeda’s wrist, somewhat more of an effort to not just get up and simply leave the room. He ground his teeth.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Before everything had happened, Hajime and Komaeda had undoubtedly been close, the now-white haired teen had been the tanned boy’s only friend, and vice versa. They’d found out they were soulmates the second they’d met, both of their tattoos going green. Neither of them had ever kissed or done anything at the time, and didn’t really get time to, Hajime’s parents splitting up, moving him to where he was now, finally giving him the opportunity to be himself. He’d been uncomfortable being called a girl and </span>
  <em>
    <span>Hanako-chan </span>
  </em>
  <span>for years beforehand. It had felt wrong when even his mom had called him that, or when Komaeda had grabbed his hand and pulled him along, chanting that name like a chorus. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In all honesty, Hajime was glad he’d never done anything with Komaeda at any point of time. It would make this entire experience a lot more awkward. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>If Komaeda ever found out anything, Hajime would explain the best he could, but for now he could just lie about it and pretend like the name ‘Hanako Hinata’ meant nothing to him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The period ended far too quickly, and Yukizome ended the lesson by calling both he and Komaeda up to the front, addressing both of the boys</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey Hinata! Could you lead Komaeda-san around the school? It’ll be really appreciated if you could- you two are in the same classes” Yukizome smiled, handing over a timetable to the slightly taller teen, who looked down at it</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m sure I’ll manage, I really don’t want to inconvenience anyone--” Komaeda was cut off</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s not a problem. Thank you Miss Yukizome” Hajime bowed, then giving Komaeda a glare to do the same, who’s eyes widened</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“O-oh- Thank you Miss Yukizome!” The fluffy-haired student followed Hajime’s example, promptly trailing after Hajime out of the classroom.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They walked around the halls in silence before Hajime truly couldn’t help himself. He wondered what he was like to an outside audience, and seeing Komaeda clearly hadn’t recognised him for who he was, it would be interesting to see what the other actually had thought of him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So, your tattoo’s green, right? You’ve met your soulmate?” Hajime asked. He didn’t like lying to someone who was literally his best friend for years, but he also didn’t want to be given pity or treated differently. Or seen differently. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah! Though we were both pretty young, and she moved away before we were old enough to know what romance really meant, so we were just friends for ages.” Komaeda played with his hair, “Enough about me though, what about you?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hajime did not want to lie and every single morally good part of him was telling him to come clean to him, but he </span>
  <em>
    <span>couldn’t. </span>
  </em>
  <span>So he half-lied. “I lost them a while ago.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sorry for asking. That was far too intrusive of me… I should probably remove myself from your presence now, truly, I’ve burdened you enough.” Komaeda let out a sigh (they weren’t even at their class yet!?)</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t really mind. Tell me more about other Hinata, if you want” Hajime prompted</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s a bit sad, other than Hanako-san, I haven’t really had any friends. She was really kind, but she always seemed angry at something. But… hm this is a little awkward to admit, but let’s just say I don’t know how I’d explain myself to her if we ever meet again… ahahah,” Komaeda chuckled, trailing off, face red. Hajime nearly laughed, though definitely not for the same reasons. If Komaeda thought if he couldn’t explain himself, how could Hajime?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hm… Yeah. Besides, the chances of finding your soulmate not just once, but twice, is super uncommon” Hajime frowned</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“My soulmate also has probably one of the most generic names there is. It’ll be like finding a needle in a haystack.” Komaeda said wistfully, sighing “I’d still like to know. I’d rather not wake up one morning and see that my tattoo is red.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s fair.” Hajime nodded (he half wished he could reassure the fluffy-haired teen that he in fact was okay and </span>
  <em>
    <span>right here</span>
  </em>
  <span> but he knew he couldn’t. Not now.)  “We’re here, by the way” He gestured to the classroom</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The next period progressed slowly. Hajime felt terrible. Not just having to be reminded that at one point he, in all purposes besides in his head, was a girl at some point, and also having to lie to someone who was (at some point) his closest friend, hurt so much. Talking to him for the shortest amount of time brought back that same nostalgia that they had when they were both younger and a lot dumber. Hajime hated the fact that he couldn’t safely tell Komaeda who he was until he was one-hundred percent certain that it wouldn’t backfire horrendously on him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>God he was selfish. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>At their recess break, Komaeda decided to approach Nanami and him, making Hajime feel even more terrible. The only thing he could do was hope that the other teen just wouldn’t bring up ‘Hanako’ or point out any inconsistencies with his story. He really just didn’t want to be reminded. He didn’t hold anything against Komaeda for it, because he quite literally didn’t seem to know, but he just wished that his wrist read the name of someone else entirely. It would save them both a lot of trouble. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ah… sorry, I don’t really know anyone else quite yet. If you want me to go sit elsewhere, I most certainly will! But, could I sit with you two?” Komaeda inquired politely, Nanami shrugging, not really caring. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, sure.” Hajime nodded, propping himself back against the wall he was sitting against, trying to hold back a wince as a sharp ache coursed through his ribs. It was only for a second or so, but the brunette doubted he’d be able to keep his current routine up if his body was in such bad shape. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thank you so much! It’s such a privilege to sit with people as hope filled as you! I owe you both so much,” Komaeda chirped, his eyes sparkling with avid appreciation as he sat down next to Hajime, though staying an appropriate distance away</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s not really a problem.” Hajime shrugged, getting out his switch. Normally he’d play with Nanami, but she was preoccupied with her game. “Do you want to play?” He asked Komaeda, who blinked</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’ve already extended me enough kindness, surely.” The white-haired boy said earnestly, gaining a groan from Hajime. (He definitely hadn’t been this bad when they were younger with the self-deprecation, had he?)</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I have no one else to play with. Do you want to, or not?” Hajime took the controller off and handed it to the other teen, who nodded slightly</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mm… I would like to play with you if you really wouldn’t mind, thank you.” Komaeda smiled “I’m not very good at video games, though”</span>
</p><p>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>“That’s alright, me neither. Just have fun” Hajime selected Mario Kart. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It didn’t take long for Komaeda to start enjoying himself, hesitant for the first game or so, Hajime noticing his eyes constantly flickering to the brunette’s face, trying desperately to gauge his reaction. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He’d been similar when he was younger. Komaeda alternated from not speaking at all and being incredibly anxious to loud and vocal on a whim, not properly understanding when something had offended someone. He seemed a bit more controlled now, in a sense. Able to judge a little better, catch his words. It was strange, constantly seeing parts of the Komaeda he knew poking through the now teenaged version of himself. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was pleasant, to the point where if Hajime pretended hard enough, they were playing Mario Kart in his shitty basement six years ago, laughing and joking about all sorts of things.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hajime hadn’t really missed Komaeda much in recent years, but apparently meeting him again dredged up old feelings. Hajime had moved houses when he was eleven, and he was sixteen now. Five years was a pretty long time, by most people’s standards. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The two ended up playing up until the drilling bell, packing their things up and going off to their next classes. Their fourth class of the day was their sciences course, the two boys being paired off to do an experiment</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Komaeda. Is your hair dyed?” Hajime inquired, a few minutes in. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ah… no. It used to be brown, but at one point I got very sick and it just sort of… turned white.” Komaeda chuckled, twirling one of his pale locks around his fingers “Ugly, isn’t it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Not really. If you want to see ugly hair don’t look further than Kuwata. He dyed his hair bright orange, so he’s easy to spot. Or Mioda, she has two sort of horn-like things on her head and a pink and blue fringe. It’s pretty crazy” Hajime explained. Comparatively, Komaeda’s hair was almost </span>
  <em>
    <span>normal </span>
  </em>
  <span>compared to those two. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hm. Maybe! You’re far too kind, Hinata-kun, truly” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Komaeda mentioned something about getting sick (?) He looked a lot more gaunt than he had been when they were younger too, even though Hajime still always remembered how thin the boy was. It was concerning that he was even more so now. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>While the brunette could still see that stupid </span>
  <em>
    <span>name </span>
  </em>
  <span>on Komaeda’s wrist, for the rest of the day, Hanako Hinata was not mentioned. They played smash bros at lunch, though Komaeda sucked at it (like he had all those years ago.) They’d both shared a few smiles, laughing at jokes, while Nanami mashed at the buttons on her nintendo.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After school, Komaeda ran up to Hajime, his fluffy hair bouncing as he panted, the brunette pausing for a little bit as he gathered his breath</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Komaeda?” Hajime said, quirking an eyebrow</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ah! Hinata-kun! I know this is rather convoluted and stupid of me, but even if you don’t know of Hanako-san, if you ask your parents just to check you aren’t related or something that would truly mean the world” Komaeda smiled, “I’m sorry… I’ve asked everyone I know with your last name, and I haven’t had any luck. I just- I’m sorry.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s not a problem. I’ll ask my parents, don’t worry.” Hajime offered the despairing boy a little smile. It didn’t feel right on his face.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thank you so much! Ah, your kindness towards me today was so very much appreciated, truly!” He skipped off, leaving a hole in Hajime’s stomach.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hajime went home that night, and after ripping off his binder and getting in his pyjamas, he flopped onto his bed, hugging one of his pillows to his chest, and he started to cry.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The thing was, Hajime didn’t cry. Or, he hadn’t in almost a year now. Being reunited with his soulmate and then having to lie through his teeth while seeing that fucking </span>
  <em>
    <span>name </span>
  </em>
  <span>there was too much. It was too much and it </span>
  <em>
    <span>hurt. </span>
  </em>
  <span>His chest hurt too, Hajime was certain he’d somehow bruised something there, even though he’d taken the precautions for it not to have happened. God he </span>
  <em>
    <span>hated </span>
  </em>
  <span>this. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>This whole mess could be sorted out effortlessly if Hajime wasn’t such a coward, but here he was. He was scared and he really didn’t know what to do.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The next few days at school weren’t as bad as the first. Hajime found that he didn’t have to lie nearly as much. He hadn’t asked his parents, nor had he needed to. It wasn’t a lie when he told Komaeda that he didn’t have anyone named “Hanako” in his family (besides his great great grandmother, but she was </span>
  <em>
    <span>long </span>
  </em>
  <span>gone.)</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I guess I’ll just have to keep looking” Komaeda sighed, slumping slightly against the wall “How despairing”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What if you don’t find them?” Hajime asked “As I told you a few days ago, you generally don’t meet your soulmate twice”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I will eventually. I just have that feeling” Komaeda looked up to Hinata. “Do you mind if I ask you a question?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Go ahead” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Did you ever meet your soulmate? I know they’re gone now, but did you ever meet them?” The white-haired boy asked hesitantly</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” Hajime nodded. There wasn’t a reason to lie “No use really talking about it, honestly.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mm… sorry” Komaeda apologised fishing out a small bento from his bag, Hajime doing the same</span>
</p><p>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>“All good” Hajime felt like he should be apologising, not Komaeda. He hadn’t done anything wrong at all.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The week passed painfully slowly. (</span>
  <em>
    <span>Actually</span>
  </em>
  <span> painfully, for Hajime. By the friday, he was having pangs in his chest if he took too deep a breath. He’d have to stay home the weekend and get better, from what it was looking like.) Komaeda was still hanging out with them, which Hajime actually liked, past the insurmountable guilt and discomfort he got from seeing the </span>
  <em>
    <span>name</span>
  </em>
  <span> there and the occasional mention of soulmates, giving up on grilling Hinata and going to Nanami instead. She hadn’t met her soulmate yet, but she didn’t really have too much of an interest in doing so. Romance wasn’t something high on Nanami’s priorities, which was something he knew enough about already. Komaeda found this confusing, but shrugged it off eventually, settling on playing video games with Hajime. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was weird, because it really hadn’t taken long, and here they were, just like it had been all of that time ago, an unbelievable amount of change and difference between them now. But Hajime could swear, they were friends again, and he’d be lying to himself if he said he wasn’t glad Komaeda had come back.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That night, Hajime ripped off the bandaid for the first time in a while, the bright green of Komaeda’s name stark even on his skin, small freckles framing it. It had a tan line around it too. He wasn’t going out the whole weekend so may as well just leave it how it was, the innocent letters on his wrist not doing any harm. Not right now, at least.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He hoped Komaeda would understand why he was doing this. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Though, he wasn’t half sure why he was doing this to both of them in the first place.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Friends and  Family</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Nagito was sure he'd found a connection. He ends up finding a friend instead. (And a dog?)</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>The whole soulmate thing isn't the entire plot, Nagito has an actual life and so does Hajime. Nagito's luck exists in this universe but not to the same extreme degree, he just has dealt with a lot of bad shit. </p><p>I love Nagito Komaeda 2020 uh no other comment</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Nagito was, for the most part, completely stumped. Hinata had looked </span>
  <em>
    <span>so </span>
  </em>
  <span>close and looked so familiar it almost hurt, the same brown hair and hazel eyes. He was </span>
  <em>
    <span>sure</span>
  </em>
  <span> he’d found a relative. Even the same tanned skin and freckles. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Regardless if Hinata was his soulmate’s relative (which he wasn’t), Nagito had found he’d obtained something of a friend, which was something he hadn’t had since… well. Since Hanako, really. At first, Nagito had guiltily been trying to see if Hinata had any connection to her, but he’d been so kind and lenient that he’d stayed. A bug like him really shouldn’t be taking advantage of such kindness, but he so very selfishly indulged. Oh, the misfortune that would await him for something like this. Perhaps he’d wake up with a red name, perhaps Hinata would die. Who knew! Who knew. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The thing was, he wasn’t searching for Hanako because he particularly wanted to be with her, but purely because he just wanted to know she was still out there, wanted to get to know her again. Nagito had just finished getting radiation therapy and gotten cleared of cancer- he’d been on the brink for a bit- he’d been really scared. It made him realise how short everything really was, and he really wished to see his friend again. (He also wished to end this cycle of misfortune. It had stalled for the moment, but Nagito didn’t know for how long)</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He hadn’t had a lot of time to try and find her in the six years prior- Nagito had been dealing with his parents’ death for quite a lot of the time, both of them being killed in a car accident, floating in and out of foster homes, finally being settled here, recovering from his illnesses. His foster family was pretty nice- there were a few other foster kids too- Kotoko was probably his favourite, as she liked to play with his hair and make it look pretty, putting little bows and accessories in it. (In her words, he looked ‘adorbs’) Nagito didn’t know if he could consider a ten year old as a friend, but he liked playing along with her little tea parties. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The ‘new Hinata’ (what Nagito had personally dubbed the spiky-haired boy in his head), seemed to be the most likely candidate for his current only friend. He’d listened to Nagito when he’d been talking about his various interests, allowed him to play games with him and caught him up to date with work he’d missed when he hadn’t been at school yet. Nagito knew he wasn’t very good at reading people and knowing what was wrong, but to him, Hinata seemed really tired almost all of the time. And he seemed lonely? He had Nanami, who was wonderful! But Nagito doubted that they were close to the point of being best friends- she was kind, but she didn’t come across as a particularly emotional type. (Apparently they’d dated for a little while, though it hadn’t worked out) </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Either way, Nagito was endlessly grateful for his attention and kindness. He wanted to get out and see him at some point this weekend, though he’d made the mistake of not getting his number, and Nagito didn’t really have social media. Maybe he could just go for a walk and hope for him to be in a similar neighbourhood as him. He seemed to have a strange affinity for things like that- whenever he rode on buses he found smartphones and credit cards next to where he was sitting- it happened every week or so, and having to hand them apologetically to the bus drivers was admittedly quite embarrassing. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His health still wasn’t great, and he couldn’t walk too far until he’d feel like he was about to pass out, but he decided to go and at least try and pass the time (and potentially find Hinata, though the chances were unlikely.) </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was pretty early on in the day, the sun shining through the patches of clouds. It was coming up on rainy season, so Nagito didn’t doubt that these clouds were the precursors to them. His neighbourhood wasn’t in a great location, unfortunately, but his fosters were nice and it was the only way they could afford to feed a family of kids that weren’t even theirs. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He unfortunately did not find the Hinata in question, but when he’d reached a green space around half a mile from his house, a massive dog came and bowled him over, too shocked to react, he landed on the grass, his breath taken out of him. It took him a few seconds to regain his posure, the dog licking at his face. It seemed like a puppy, it’s white tail swishing happily back and forward. It reminded him of his old dog a lot, though he barely remembered it past him being soft.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey doggie!” Nagito said, whistling as the dog walked off, it’s head turning around “Where are your owners, huh?” The dog didn’t have a collar, but she seemed too well groomed to be a stray. An escapee, by the looks of it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Proceeding to go around the entire park and ask everyone if they’d lost their dog, the huge puppy trailing after him the whole time, he had no luck. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hmm. We’re gonna have to put up missing signs for you, aren’t we? I don’t think you’d want someone like me as your owner.” Nagito whispered to the puppy, who simply looked up at him blankly with big brown eyes. This drew a chuckle from him “Let’s go make some posters.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Once he’d gotten home (with the dog trailing him the </span>
  <em>
    <span>entire </span>
  </em>
  <span>time) he really had to explain himself to all of the kids, who hounded him the second he’d walked in the door, eyes going straight to the mass of white fluff next to him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What! You found a dog? What are the adults gonna think?” Nagisa instantly chimed in, “You </span>
  <em>
    <span>do </span>
  </em>
  <span>know they’re not gonna let you keep him, right?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Haha… She’s actually a girl, but no, I’m not intending to keep her, don’t worry. I need all of your help though, do you think you can do that?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What do you need? If anyone can do it, it’s me!” Masaru pointed a finger at himself proudly, wrapping his arms around the dog. Nagito laughed nervously- He was the oldest by a long way- there were five of them there (though there had been six, Monaca had kicked up a lot of dust and demanded to be moved.) He’d been the newest addition, moving in around half a year ago, but due to being sick he’d been working from home for a large portion of it, only joining the new school once he’d fully recovered. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Everyone eventually chimed in and agreed to help out. They all got to work on making posters, Kotoko putting an inappropriate amount of glitter on hers and Nagisa demanding every and all details in the dog’s whereabouts when he’d been found. Nagito didn’t pay any attention to what Jataro had been doing- he’d find some way to </span>
  <em>
    <span>not </span>
  </em>
  <span>put those posters up. While Jataro was quite sweet by a general rule, he was admittedly quite strange, and somehow he’d managed to glue live bugs and leaves to the page, smearing dirt on it (it looked cool, it was just wholly inappropriate as a missing dog sign). They all decided to put Nagito’s phone number at the bottom (their fosters were out during the day and it seemed most appropriate.) His feet hurt, so he’d probably get them to put all of the posters out and hope that whoever owned the dog would call. They all knew the neighbourhood well anyway, so Nagito trusted they’d all get back fine.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>All of the kids had black tattoos, besides Nagisa’s, which was red. He really wasn’t so torn up about it. Kotoko said she hadn’t wanted to meet her soulmate because she’d probably die if they weren’t cute, Jataro had said he wished his soulmate was dead so he could marry a skeleton, to everyone's horror. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Once the kids had gotten back, all of them untouched (minus Jataro, who’d put dirt in his blonde hair and was parading around with worms in his pockets) It ended up taking around three hours to receive a phone call, Nagito’s cell going nuts an hour and a bit after lunch.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hello?” He answered </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Uh. Hi. This is about the dog? Is this the right number?” A nervous voice sounded on the other side. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mhm! Do you want our address?” Nagito asked</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. Thanks… Hold on. Is this Komaeda?” The person exclaimed (Hinata?)</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ah! Hinata-kun, right? What a wonderful coincidence!” Nagito chimed. So in a convoluted way he </span>
  <em>
    <span>had </span>
  </em>
  <span>managed to get Hinata’s number. How convenient!</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I guess so. Where’s your house?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Nagito happily explained how to get to his house (which was only a few blocks from Hinata’s) and had a short conversation about how he’d even ended up losing his dog, which Nagito had come to learn was called Aki.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It wasn’t too long afterwards when Hinata showed up at their doorstep, a collar and leash in hand. Nagito wasn’t there to answer the door</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nagi-chan! A scary looking boy is here!” Kotoko chanted from the living room, Nagito quickly putting down his book and skipping over, the dog following him</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey… Is this your sister?” Hinata asked, gesturing to the pink-haired girl. She’d put on a little headband with horns on them and was warily glancing the brunette down</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Kind of?” Nagito supplied </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He’s my foster bro!” Kotoko grinned “He lets me dress him up and make him look </span>
  <em>
    <span>super </span>
  </em>
  <span>adorbs!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Really? Is it just you two?” Hinata said</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No… everyone else is watching TV, I was bored because it was about monster trucks… it’s so stupid” Kotoko pouted, kicking something imaginary</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If you want you can come in?” Nagito offered “Aki has been so well behaved! She ran me over earlier, but everyone loves her”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hinata’s eyes slid to the pink bows on the puppy’s ears and tail, giving her a pat. “I see that. Sorry for losing her- she just bolted out after a bird and I couldn’t find her.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“She found me, apparently. Did you walk here?” Nagito inquired</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I did, yeah. I don’t wanna intrude on your house or anything, so I’ll just walk her home.” Hinata gave him a quick smile, sliding the collar on the dog, who just sat and happily wagged her tail, utterly oblivious</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Can I walk with you?” Nagito asked. He saw Hinata grimace just a fractional amount. Oh. So he didn’t like him. Was all of that kindness truly just an act? Then, his face turned to something else. Nagito couldn’t tell what it was. Confusion? Ah… had he messed up? He really didn’t want Hinata hating him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Uh… sure. Actually. Yeah, why not.” Hinata ended up nodding  “My mom isn’t home, so it should be fine”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Nagito almost sighed in relief. He told Kotoko to tell the other’s he’d be out for a bit and to not answer the door for anyone else and all of the usual garble for when he left the house. He took the key and locked the door, Hinata waiting for him patiently halfway across his garden, Aki running in circles around the other boy, her tail going wild.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Once they’d started walking, the usual questions started popping up</span>
</p><p>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>“You live in a foster house?” Hinata tilted his head to the side </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah! I have four other kids there, though I’m the oldest by about six years. Both of my parents died in a fatal car accident a few years back and so I’ve been floating between foster houses for a while. It’s not bad actually, my current family is really nice! I’m so lucky.” Nagito smiled “My fosters love pretty much everyone- if they like someone like me, then they’ll definitely like you- so if you ever want to come around it would be a true honor!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry about your parents…” Hinata mumbled “I’m glad it’s nice for you here, though”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yup! I’m truly given more than I deserve!” Nagito bobbed his head “I had a pretty bad luck streak up until recently- My soulmate moved away, my parents died, I even got cancer!- It wasn’t great… I just hope nothing like that happens to you or my family, so I’m always really scared!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He hadn’t meant to say that much, but for whatever reason, he ran his mouth a lot more around Hinata. He trusted him, even though it felt far too early on to even feel that...he might’ve made a serious judgement </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Jesus Komaeda” Hinata stopped walking for a second “Are you okay?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Aha... I really wouldn’t know. Comparatively, yes!” Nagito laughed “No need to worry!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I- I won’t, but I’m not gonna let anything bad happen to me, alright?” Hinata looked Nagito straight in the eyes, his hazel into greyish-green. It always made the white-haired boy uncomfortable when people looked into his eyes. He didn’t know what people expected him to do with it. Hinata’s eyes looked similar to Hanako’s, though he seemed more intense. More charged up. He wished he could give his wrist a glance, just so he could see her name there. He missed his friend a lot, and maybe all of this bad luck would finally come to rest if he found her- that’s the point of soulmates- though for him, a normal life seemed good enough.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You can’t guarantee that. The only person who I’m even somewhat sure of getting rid of these bad luck spells is my soulmate.” Nagito sighed “Though, the sentiment is appreciated, you really shouldn’t be wasting it on someone like me”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah… maybe. But I’ll still stay your friend, even if bad things happen to me, alright?” Hinata huffed, picking up his pace again, Aki happy to be walking again</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“... I don’t know if that’s awfully wise until I find Hanako-san, Hinata-kun”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The brunette let out an exasperated breath “I don’t really mind or care, alright? Can we just be friends?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It surprisingly didn’t sound desperate. It just sounded tired, like Hinata genuinely didn’t care whatever happened to him. A tiny flash of something flashed through his head- the beginning of a thought- but Nagito instantly regretted it, so he didn’t even allow it to become a coherent idea.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ah…” Nagito rubbed his neck. He didn’t want Hinata to get mad at him “I really want to be your friend, Hinata-kun… thank you. Sorry.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hinata looked over to him and gave him a smile. “No problem. Thanks for finding my dog. My parents would have killed me if they’d come home and she was gone”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, Anytime! I’m just glad I got to see you. I’m very lucky that I got to walk home with you, so really please feel free to just show up to my house whenever you want.” Nagito beamed. “So your house is here?” He asked, gesturing to the small duplex that they now were standing in front of. Hinata nodding </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. Thanks again, you have my number now, so feel free to text me.” His friend gave Nagito a thumbs up. “See ya Monday”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“See ya!” Nagito grinned, waving Hinata off as he disappeared behind his door.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He was in an almost unshakably good mood for the rest of the day. Hinata was his friend! He really </span>
  <em>
    <span>really </span>
  </em>
  <span>hoped nothing bad would happen to him- while the other teen had insisted, it was ingrained within him to reject them- He couldn’t stomach the idea that he might be the reason why Hinata had something awful happen to him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Nagito noticed that the brown-haired boy wore a band-aid over his soulmate’s name, probably in respect for whoever they were. It was an interesting question to ask himself- who had they been like?- Were they a boy or girl? Were they tall or short or pretty or ugly? Had Hinata loved them? Nagito looked at his own wrist, the green lettering bright against his skin, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Hanako Hinata, </span>
  </em>
  <span>a neat and fully readable font. He ran his finger over those two words. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He wondered what had become of her, and where she was now. </span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I'm not Monaca-phobic i swear i just find her hard to write. Kotoko and Nagisa are so sweet but if they were in a proper family environment I feel like Nagito and Kotoko would get along really well. Hajime has a big dog because I think he'd be a dog person and he needs it. I originally named the dog  'koko' but i thought that'd be too obvious. Aki means autumn. I just thought it was cute.</p><p>also all of the kids got therapy. it's not mentioned at any point but they did bc they deserve it :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Guilty</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Hajime recounts his experiences with Komaeda before all of this, and compares the Komaeda of now to the one of before. They're not so different. He wishes he could say something, the confession on his lips constantly, but never being able to truly put it in words. </p><p>summary: give hajimmy therapy and please give this man a fucking hug</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I love hajime hinata 2020</p><p>sorry for dying for like a week lol, my irl life is a bit shit atm! thanks for the lovely comments ! :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hajime realised three weeks later into the school term that he really should’ve told Komaeda everything before he was this deep into it because he wasn’t sure he could actually say it now without it being a huge dick move. He’d fucked up bad, and this was becoming really apparent to him. If Komaeda hadn’t already worked it out, there was a good chance he never would. While the white-haired boy was very intelligent, he could not read another human being for the life of him, so the only way Hajime could actually tell him would be by going very bluntly ‘Hey Komaeda, I’m your soulmate but my name isn’t Hanako anymore so please don’t use it. I know, who would’ve thought?! You don’t have to worry anymore haha lol’ </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In all honesty, Hajime dreaded that conversation. The two had been hanging out every single day for three weeks and there hadn’t been a single sign that Komaeda had any idea that Hajime was quite literally his missing best friend from six years ago. In a way, he was kind of proud he could actually pass that well, but it was quickly overwhelmed by the sheer guilt of knowing Komaeda was still scared out of his mind every day because he believed something awful was going to happen to him or his family. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Knowing that both of Komaeda’s parents were dead was something that took Hajime a few days to process too. They’d been family friends, and while they were both quite distant and cold towards Komaeda and him, it had still felt like a punch in the gut. Trying not to react to news like that had been almost impossible. His friend now lived in a foster home, which Hajime had been to a few times now- all of the other kids there had been obsessed with him- but it had felt weird, to a degree. To think Komaeda went through all of that stuff and still had remained so similar to how he’d been so long ago was a serious testament to his character. The things Hajime had noticed were different is that Komaeda deeply resented himself, he always seemed wary, taking much longer to seem comfortable in new situations and the smiles he gave sometimes had a sheen of false happiness over them, his eyes glassing slightly whenever certain topics were mentioned. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Loud noises seemed to put Komaeda on edge too, but that had always been something he’d been bothered by. When they’d been younger and Komaeda had come over, he’d hugged Hajime for his dear life when there’d been thunderstorms, sometimes not even speaking for hours (Hajime at times wasn’t sure he actually </span>
  <em>
    <span>could</span>
  </em>
  <span> speak.) It had been normal and he hadn’t minded it at all, but afterwards the other boy had always apologised profusely, laughing nervously. Hajime wondered if he still had that, though he admittedly couldn’t image the Komaeda of now even having the ability to stop talking even for a few minutes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Nanami had been warming up to the newest member of their trio too- she had even offered for them to all play smash brothers together. She’d won, but it had still been nice. Playing games with Komaeda was good because both of them kind of sucked at it, so it was more who lived the longest against Nanami, who was the regional champion at most well known video games, being essentially unbeatable in two player settings. Hajime hoped that her soulmate was also into games, and hopefully as good at them as she was. She needed someone who’d actually give her a challenge for once. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hinata-kun!” A spritely and unmistakable voice sounded from beside him, the white hair popping into view not long afterwards</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey Komaeda” Hajime offered the other teen a nod “I didn’t know you took this bus” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ah, well usually I’m driven to school, but today my fosters can’t, and this bus stop is the closest to my house” He chirped “I’m glad I got the right stop- I wouldn’t know where to get off if you weren’t here, aha” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If I’m ever not on here, just get off at the school- this bus takes you straight there” Hajime explained, Komaeda nodding</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oooh... okay! I really don’t know where I’d be without you, Hinata-kun! You’re the best!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Not really.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Hajime didn’t say it though. If he was the best, he wouldn’t be lying to his friend, if he was the best, he would have left his bandaid off when he’d gone to Komaeda’s house for the first time, would have come clean much, much earlier in this whole thing.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thanks.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The pit at the bottom of his stomach widened. He was ashamed of what he was doing, but he was far more ashamed of who he was. That he was perceived as different when all he wanted was to be treated the same. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They ended up both talking about menial things. The typical ‘how are you’s’ and ‘how was your weekend.’ </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Komaeda had recently recovered from lymphoma, and he proudly shifted some of his fluffy hair to show Hajime the angular surgical scar on his neck. Supposedly (and thankfully) it hadn’t been life threatening, but it was pretty easy to infer that it hadn’t been a pleasant experience, by any means. Getting cancer of any kind probably wasn’t something on many people’s bucket lists. It had apparently killed his appetite (which answered the question of why Komaeda was so skinny) and while his hair hadn’t fallen out, it had gone completely white. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hajime secretly thought it looked better than it had when it was brown. When he’d been younger, he’d loved playing with the fluffy mop of hair. The very longest of Komaeda’s hair dusted his shoulders now. It had been shorter when they were little, but it had the same wavy quality to it. Hajime wondered if it was still as soft as it had been all that time ago. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Can I ask a question?” Komaeda tilted his head. They were on the bus now, both sitting in the same seat, even though there clearly was more room. Hajime still had to remind himself that Komaeda didn’t understand that</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sure.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s been bothering me for a while, but why do you have that bandaid there, over your soulmates name?” Komaeda tilted his head to the side slightly</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I just don’t want people knowing who my soulmate was. I guess.” Hajime didn’t like how his stomach was churning so badly. His brain was screaming at him to tell him everything.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh... ah, I really wouldn’t want to intrude, so don’t feel obligated to answer, but why don’t you want people knowing who your soulmate is?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Come </span>
  <em>
    <span>on. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s hard to explain. I mean, uh. My soulmate isn’t technically-“ </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The bus churned to a halt and Hajime mentally kicked himself as Komaeda stood up, gesturing for both of them to get up and leave. Once they’d gotten off and were starting to walk back when Komaeda turned his head back towards Hajime</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You were saying? I’m so sorry for interrupting you” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“N-never mind.” The teen ground out. This fucking sucked. He hated that he was this much of a coward, and he hated that he even had to do this in the first place. He didn’t want to have to explain himself, didn’t want to feel like this. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hajime was in a bad mood for the rest of the day, and when he got home he flopped onto the couch, Aki coming over and licking his fingers. He’d messed up. He could’ve said something today and he couldn’t. His chest gave a familiar ache, but he didn’t want to take his binder off yet- it usually made him feel even shittier and he didn’t need that right now- he could deal with the repercussions tomorrow. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He should’ve told him. He wanted to tell Komaeda and then have their friendship go back to what it was six years ago, where they were both completely comfortable and felt safe in each other’s presence. He wanted it to go back to when Komaeda had hugged him tight in thunderstorms. He wanted more than anything for the white-haired boy to understand. To understand that he wasn’t Hanako and never really had been and that he hadn’t meant to lie. There was a chance Komaeda would hate him for this, wouldn’t accept him, push him away and never want to see him again... but that didn’t seem awfully in character for him. Though, so much had changed between them, it was hard to know anymore.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re moping this afternoon.” His mom came out of the kitchen. “What happened?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His mom generally was more chilled out than his dad, and while Hajime didn’t see her all that often, she was a great parent to him, always trying to support him the best she could</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Komaeda’s back” He eventually admitted, burying his face in Aki’s white fur</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh wow... so this has been from the first day of this term, right? What a small world”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah I guess.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Did he recognise you?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hajime sighed “We’re friends again, but no. I haven’t told him either.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh Hajime. This has really been bothering you, hasn’t it? You’ve been down for these past few weeks.” She sat down next to him, rubbing a hand across his back “are you going to tell him?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I really want to. Mom... I’m just scared” he buried his face deeper into the dog, who didn’t seem to care, the slight beats against the floor signifying she was wagging her tail. “I tried to tell him today but I chickened out” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I think you’ll eventually get a moment where you’ll be able to tell him. Nagito was a really sweet kid, and if that’s any reflection of who he is now, he won’t get mad or hate you for it if you explain. Alright?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hajime nodded, sitting back in the sofa </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thanks mom”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s my job. Go change and we can talk about your friend, okay?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“... okay.” Hajime agreed. He felt a bit better, the churning in his stomach going away slightly. He needed to replace the bandaid, so he took it off- the skin needed to air anyway. Komaeda’s name still sat there, as it always had. Hajime had never noticed how pretty of a colour the green was, having an almost shiny quality to it. It felt like a waste..</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A sigh escaped his lungs when he took off his school clothes and shook on his pyjamas, pretending the mirror didn’t exist. It didn’t give him any benefits, having it there, but he’d never been bothered to take it down. He ran his fingers down the side of his rib cage, checking for bruising, and found none, so he popped back downstairs, his mom pausing whatever she’d been watching on television</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Alright! Tell me what kind of person Komaeda turned into, I’m curious. Especially because he’s my kid’s soulmate.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t remind me.” Hajime groaned“A world without soulmates would be so much more convenient.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re telling me.” His mom laughed. While Hajime had been in the dark about most things, his mom still enjoyed making jokes about his dad leaving, in a morbid way, it was kind of funny. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” Hajime huffed a short laugh  “Komaeda’s pretty similar to how he was...”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hajime went into explaining how Komaeda was different and the same. How he was still strange to most people and still seemed completely out of his element in any interaction, but how he knew the routine of talking now, not going totally silent if he wasn’t interested in something. It soon came onto talking about Komaeda’s darker and more upsetting life experiences- his cancer, his parents- It wasn’t pleasant breaking the deaths of his parents to his mom, but she remained stoic, her face even. He’d mentioned meeting his foster family (especially Kotoko, who hung around Nagito the most, followed by Nagisa, who’d taken a weird liking to Hajime and enjoyed pestering him about different things he thought were important.) Really, most of his recent memories of Komaeda were pleasant, and if the element of Hajime’s constant soul-crushing guilt he’d probably be having a hell of a time. Even when he was feeling like this, his mood naturally felt a lot lighter around the white-haired boy, the breathy laughs and smiles from the other prompting Hajime to follow on. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh— and his hair is white now. That’s probably the biggest difference” The brunette finished.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“White hair- huh. Sounds cool.” She quirked an eyebrow “Is he handsome?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mom... I’m not really into guys.” Hajime said hesitantly, his ears burning from the question. He didn’t know if he was telling himself the whole truth on that one. He really couldn’t give himself an honest answer, let alone someone else.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I was just poking at you, don’t worry. Enough about all of that stuff, yeah? What should we make for dinner?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They both ended up making udon for dinner and enjoying it in front of television. Hajime admittedly was still thinking about Komaeda. (He was kind of cute. He didn’t have to tell anyone that, but he was. The other teen had always been that way.)</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hajime was infinitely grateful for his mom being there though. She had always kind of been there for him in one way or another. When his parents had split up five years ago, he’d got to spend way more time with her. His dad had been cold and distant with him for years, even when he’d been Hajime’s primary caregiver, his mom working a full time job. He hadn’t seen much of either parent when he was little. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His father hadn’t really cared when a twelve year old Hajime had been made to explain his situation. His father had been too busy with his new family for such things anyway. His mom hadn’t really been there either for some of it, but she’d made up for it. Initially having Hajime’s dad out of the picture had been hard on her, but she ended up flourishing a lot more than he’d ever remembered her being around his dad. She’d helped him a lot over the past few years, and while she worked most nights until very late, sometimes they’d both have moments like this where they could be together and just be a normal family. She’d messed up a lot when Hajime had been younger, telling him the wrong things at times or slipping up with his name, but she’d gotten better. It was something the brunette found a lot of comfort in, especially because Japan had its certain reservations surrounding people like him. He was lucky, definitely.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Once everything had sorted itself out with Komaeda, Hajime had to take him to his house so his mom could meet him again. The white-haired boy had been more like a second son, being invited to almost every family event. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Though, that was assuming the other would even want to be associated with Hajime after he went through with this. What was he even going to say? How was Komaeda going to react? There felt like there were way too many variables in this and it still really scared him. The fear hadn’t gotten better, nor had the guilt. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His mom said a time would come when he’d know when to tell Komaeda everything, and in all honesty, he just really hoped it would be soon, because the longer this continued, the harder it felt to say anything. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That night in his bed, Hajime stared up at his ceiling, a pillow hugged to his chest as he thought about his friend. He wanted to hug him and expect everything to be okay and for to be forgiven, but that wouldn’t happen, as much as Hajime might want it, he couldn’t guarantee anything. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He just hoped he could tell him soon. Hajime didn’t think he could live with himself if he didn’t.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>It's heavily implied in this fic, but is never explicitly mentioned that Nagito has autism spectrum disorder (ASD), and as a neurodivergent person, I really just think it fits him. I base all of the ASD related things heavily off my own and other's experiences, so I hope it's covered respectfully, as everyone experiences autism differently ! Ily ND people!! you're doing so good :)</p><p>As always, comments are super mega appreciated, thank you for reading, and I'll see u soon :D</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Musings</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Nagito gets love advice from an eleven year old and it works. Somehow.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I'm nearly finished writing the last chapter for this, lol. Hope you're all well! Thank you for 100 kudos on this hehe</p><p>I love Nagito, he's such a complex character to write because he's got so many layers of stuff goin on in his brain. </p><p>CW for mentions of PTSD and the events surrounding it!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>It was genuinely surprising that Hinata had tolerated Nagito for this long. Yet again, something like this hadn’t happened since Hanako, which was over six years ago at this point. It seemed sad, really, that the only friend Nagito had ever had ended up leaving. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hinata was different to his old friend- a lot grumpier, for sure, and took a lot less to annoy him, but he was there and he was kind to Nagito, for whatever reason. Hinata was closed off and he still seemed tired. Sometimes Nagito couldn’t tell if he was annoying him or not, but when he asked the brunette assured him not to worry. Different from Hanako. (Yet so similar. Why was he so similar?)</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>What made it a little more complicated was that Nagito had definitely fallen for the brunette. They’d only known each other for a short while- a month at most- but that’s just how it was for Nagito, a person so scared of impermanence that emotions seemed to occur much more rapidly. Which included falling in love, apparently.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Now, what made that an issue was the fact that Nagito’s wrist didn’t say the right Hinata, did it? It had been an irrational thought in the back of his head, and he really hated himself for it, but some days, Nagito wished that his wrist said Hajime Hinata, instead of the latter. Either way, he was in quite a pickle. He hadn’t romantically loved Hanako when they’d been little either, and while he really wanted to have, he couldn’t force himself to feel that way. She’d been the best, really! She’d treated him so much better than he’d ever deserved, being so patient with him and not calling him weird or strange for the things he couldn’t control. But so was Hinata. He didn’t deserve his kindness either, he didn’t deserve those nonjudgmental eyes giving him an occasional tired smile. He hadn’t anyone to consult, because he feared Nanami would tell the other boy about his wholly inappropriate and selfish feelings. Then Hinata would probably hate him! After all, Nagito was truly just taking advantage of whatever pity Hinata had for him and warping its idea into kindness. It made him happy, but he knew it shouldn’t, especially if it led to Hinata getting hurt.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He racked his brain and came up with one person.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He knocked on Kotoko’s door, who popped out, a frown on her face</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What do you need? Unless I can make you look pretty, I’m not listening.” She pouted “You interrupted my teacup party.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Nagito sighed “Sorry... I need your help. You can play with my hair and make me look nice, I just need your advice, if you don’t mind”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sit down then! Someone as big and grown up as you should know what you’re doing, unless it’s tips to be adorbs, which I can see you need” Kotoko flicked Nagito’s nose as he sat down on one of the tiny pink chairs in her room.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The pigtailed girl started brushing Nagito’s hair, muttering to herself about something nonsensical. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Is this about Hinata-san?” Kotoko guessed after a few minutes, and as Nagito nodded she let out a dramatic gasp “You’re wayyyy over your head in this one! Like a handstand!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Nagito laughed “Mhm... I really am, huh?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kotoko pulled his hair into a ponytail, saying “yep! You’re so weird, Nagi-chan. You come to an eleven year old for love advice? Tut tut! Just tell him, you big baby. He’s not very cute- your taste is awful- but he seems to like you. That’s apparently what matters, right?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Kotoko-chan... If I find my soulmate, she’ll probably hate me if I like someone else, and finding her is the only way this bad fortune of mine will end.” Nagito sighed</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hmph. Do you have any photos of your soulmate? I wanna see” Kotoko made grabby fingers, “Are they pretty?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ah! Okay? I don’t know how this’ll help?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m a good judge of character! Trust me!” Kotoko announced as Nagito was leaving the room to grab the albums.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He only had a few photos of Hanako in his room (which admittedly was more like a glorified closet.) </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He rifled through the few photo albums he had from when he was little, bringing the one with all of his Hanako photos, popping back into Kotoko’s room, who wordlessly took them from him and hungrily looked through the photos </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mhm... Nagi-chan, do you think Hanako-san is cute?” Kotoko handed him the photo album, pointing to a photo of the two when they were much younger. Hanako’s face was half covered in a roughly cut fringe, the messy shoulder-length brown hair, bright eyes, her boyish face excitedly gesturing to something elsewhere, a smaller Nagito onlooking wide eyed. He’d looked different then, his chestnut hair probably the more prominent feature. He didn’t look at himself for long though, eyes trailing right back to Hanako, his mind going back to Kotoko’s question.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I... she was my friend, I wouldn’t really call her cute in that sense...” Nagito sighed, tracing the image with his thumb</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You have a bit of a pea brain when it comes to this, Nagi-chan.” Kotoko rolled her eyes “Just confess to Hinata-kun and ask him out. Hanako-san won’t get mad at you for having preferences. If you like boys, it’s not like you can control that, right?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I guess?” Nagito scratched the back of his neck nervously “Ah... I’m so sorry for burdening you with all of this. I really shouldn’t be unloading this onto you” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t mind hearing you mope, Nagi-chan. Your dumb, gay ramblings are far better than hearing Jataro talk about what bugs to eat.” She said pragmatically, and before Nagito had a chance to utter a reply, she put a finger to his lips. “Now shut up let me finish making you look pretty!” She purposely pulled at Nagito’s hair hard there, he winced. Ahh... Nagito hated this stupid brain of his. It didn’t know how people worked in an entirety and he was really feeling the effects right now. Kotoko might be right, but a lot of Japanese people had conservative families, right? (Though Hanako’s mom certainly hadn’t been- she’d treated him so kindly! She hadn’t minded that he was weird either. He missed her a lot.)</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After a few minutes, Kotoko happily advertised how pretty he looked in her mirror. She knew he didn’t like makeup- the first time she’d tried it on him, Nagito had instantly gone and taken it off, to her horror- so she’d put an almost inappropriate amount of bows and clips in his hair instead, his fringe falling out of the tiny pigtails at the back of his head, being told to not take them out, sending him back to his room. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He flopped onto his bed, sighing.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Maybe he really was overthinking this. He could easily stay close friends with Hanako once he found her, because if their childhood was any reflection of them now, she probably wouldn’t want to be with Nagito anyway. Then he could be with Hinata and make sure to not hurt him with his bad luck! It was a perfect compromise! </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>What wishful selfish thinking he was indulging in. Nagito sneered at himself to even allow such thoughts. Hinata wouldn’t want to be with someone like him, and there wasn’t any guarantee at all that he even fancied men in general, let alone scum like Nagito, right? Hanako wouldn’t want to be his friend either, if he ever found her. Maybe she’d keep him in close proximity to him but never talk to him or be his friend, allowing both of them to leech off the soulmates benefit but also to never become close like they had before. Nagito didn’t know! Ahh... he really didn’t! And he was so incredibly selfish for even thinking he could have a happy future in the first place. Maybe his foster family would get tired of him too and kick him out! Who knew? He certainly didn’t have a single drop of certainty left past the growing knowledge that he was a terrible person.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hopefully, however, he wasn’t a coward. He dialed Hinata’s number. He hoped the other boy would be free the next day. The rainy season had started now, so many of his date ideas would have to be inside. He just hoped Hinata would accept that it was a date, but he’d have to be prepared for the more likely option of being told to go away and never speak to him again for such a ridiculous proposal. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hi Komaeda” Hinata answered</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hello Hinata-kun! I was just wondering if you’re free tomorrow” Nagito chirped, his heart beating unfairly fast</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m free, yeah. Why are you asking?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mmm... my apologies if this is too forward of me, but I was wondering if you wanted to go lunch with me?” Nagito asked hesitantly, well aware that his voice was wavering far too much “Oh! But really, don’t feel obligated, I won’t take any offence if you say no, of course!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Like a date? Uh... I-“ Hinata seemed to consider for a few seconds, the silence drawing itself out and making his skin crawl. “Yeah... okay. What time?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The shocked laughter hopefully wasn’t audible through the phone microphone. He was willing to give him a chance? Ah this luck he’s been getting is far too good, he really didn’t deserve things this nice happening to him. This was going to backfire on him a lot.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Nagito told Hinata the time and the place, practically shaking with excitement (and fear.) He’d chosen a small hot food restaurant in a quiet corner of a shopping centre. The food was good and no one listened in on conversations. Then if Hinata wanted to they could hang out for a bit longer afterwards. (Maybe if he was very, very lucky, he’d get to that point. If he didn’t screw this entire thing up, he might come out of it with more than just a friend.)</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He was a ball of nerves for the rest of the night. His nervous reactions consisted of laughing more than normal, so at almost every interaction he let out a short giggle, covering his mouth in embarrassment. It had been an awkward dinner, but the second he was back in his room he punched the air a few times. He still couldn’t believe Hinata had said yes to someone like him! </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He was going on a date! Ah man! This was scary! There was a good chance something terrible would happen, right? He’d been having too good of a run. His body was getting better, he hadn’t gotten sick at all, weirdly enough, so he’d finally been able to start looking healthy again, all of the kids were fine, Kotoko hadn’t had a meltdown, nor had he, there hadn’t been any outbursts from anyone else. It was suspicious, and it felt as though it was building up to some hideous life changing event. He hadn’t felt anywhere near this alive since he was little. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He preferred not to remember his parent’s car accident. There had only been one survivor, a small and trembling boy, covered in glass cuts and bleeding, pulled from the vehicle. Those memories hadn’t been clear for years after the incident, the only evidence it had happened being a bunch of small almost unnoticeable scars all over his body. Even now all Nagito could feel was cold and empty detachment. At least once a week he saw their dead and wrecked bodies in his nightmares, so he’d gotten used to it by now. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He didn’t want that happening to Hinata. He didn’t want to see his corpse every time he closed his eyes for years. He begged to whatever was out there to keep him safe, like he had to all of the kids he now lived with.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span> It hadn’t always worked. Nagito could always recall where he’d failed to keep them safe, listing them off in his head.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Nagisa’s parents had found the house at one point and yelled at him, Jataro’s mother had shown up in the newspaper for something and the blonde boy had gone back to wearing the patched mask for a week. Kotoko had been set off multiple times and Masaru broke close to three bones. He didn’t know if it was his rotten luck or simply just the universe shining badly on a whole bunch of unfortunate kids, but either way, it wasn’t kind on any of them. Nagito was the only kid there without their parents, all of the other kids had run away or had child protective services come and take them for their own good. He could only be thankful they hadn’t had to live out the rest of their childhood with their blood families. He wanted to protect them so badly, he just didn’t know if he could. He felt like he truly didn’t know anything. For someone like him, even knowing that the sky was blue felt like an object of further impermanence, that once blue sky becoming grey the second he fully believed what he saw was true. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His worry-riddled heart finally put the white-haired boy to rest after hours of anxious contemplation. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Nagito woke up the next morning and felt his heart skip a beat. He looked at the clock and saw that it was past nine thirty. He still had way too long until it was the time he organised to meet Hinata, so he figured he should at least be proactive. He should go get him something- that’s what people on dates did, right?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He got dressed and had a slice of toast, hopping over to the bus stop that would take him to the shopping centre (a different one from where he and Hinata went.) The shops were still somewhat empty, which was good for him. When he was little he couldn’t stay in loud places for more than a few minutes before losing his composure, and while he had a good handle on himself now, it still wasn’t comfortable constantly having the urge to cover his ears and shut off completely. He hoped Hinata wouldn’t care that his brain worked in such a way. He hoped Hinata would know if he could stop it he would. (It was weird, Hinata treated his oddities as if they were normal. He hated the thought of his issues dragging the brunette down.) </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Walking around the shopping centre, Nagito wondered what Hinata would even like. He liked video games, which was a good starting point. There was a store which had a whole bunch of game merchandise. Then he could get him some flowers, maybe. The other teen was quite an enigma to Nagito, which wasn’t unwelcome, but it was confusing. He really didn’t feel like he deserved this kindness or hospitality, really. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He ended up buying a Kirby plushie and a small bouquet of sunflowers. Hinata had similar Kanji to the word sunflower, and Nagito thought it was fitting (though he was concerned that Hinata might not even like it). </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When his parents had died, they’d left their inheritance to Nagito, which had been a very large sum of money, but he could only currently access less than a percent of that. He’d get the rest when he was eighteen, which was just under two years away for him. Not too long to wait. He just wanted to pay his fosters back for all of the kindness they’d given him and the other kids. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Checking his watch, it was finally the time the two had agreed on. Nagito’s poor heart had been taken on the ride of its life these past few days, and it started fluttering again, his nerves feeling turbo charged. Ah, he was really nervous! Even though he met up with Hinata almost every day with school and even on other weekends, this felt really different. This was a date, which was something Nagito had not ever been on. Should he just act how he normally did? Ahh... this was scary! </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hanako was still at the back of his mind. What would she think of this? It’d been so long Nagito didn’t know anymore. Soulmates didn’t have to be romantic, he just hoped that she’d take it in the same way he did, if he ever even found her, that was. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Finally making it to their meeting spot, dodging crowded areas, he spotted Hinata standing around awkwardly, wearing a red checkered shirt, checking his phone once every few seconds.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hinata-kun!” Nagito called, skipping over to him, barely keeping the sunflowers in his arms, the long stalks making the blooms hit his face every so often. The brunette’s eyes widened as he spotted Nagito</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Komaeda? Why do you have...?” His gaze went straight to the flowers</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh! They’re for you! Sorry... I didn’t know what you liked, but the kanji for your name can also be read as sunflower, so I thought they’d be fitting, you see?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“O-oh...They’re really nice, thanks. You really didn’t have to, though. I didn’t get you anything...” Hinata scratched his neck nervously. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine! It’s a thank you for taking the time out of your Sunday to spend it with me, and also a thank you for being so kind to me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Seriously? I wanted to come and spend my Sunday with you, this is a date, right?” Hinata grinned, though he looked worried (was he shaking? There was a slight tremor in his hands) “really, I should be giving the flowers to you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If you want it to be a date then sure!” Nagito nodded “we should sit down. I’m paying, so order whatever you want.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” Hinata nodded</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Once they sat down, the other boy was fidgeting, fingers twisting around each other. Nagito felt concern well in him. Was Hinata only here because he felt like he didn’t have a choice? That would be awful of him, utterly terrible. He looked up to Hinata’s eyes (still a difficult feat) and saw shadows lining them. What was going on? Was this something Nagito had done or something that had happened in the other’s life?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you alright Hinata-kun? Did something happen?” He bobbed his head, white hair flopping into his eyes</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No.. nothing happened. I think I need to come clean to you. I’m sorry if I ruin this whole thing before it even starts.” Hinata sighed, rolling up his sleeve to his elbow “I really like you, Komaeda, and I should have told you this the second I saw you walk in that classroom, so I’m also really, really sorry” The brunette took a shaky breath, his whole body filled with tremor as his fingers went for the bandaid on his wrist. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Nagito felt like he should know what was going on, but he really didn’t. If his head wasn’t so clouded with conflicting emotions he might’ve worked it out. He really didn’t feel things this strongly most of the time, so he truly was rather discombobulated from all of this. Hinata was taking off his band-aid, which meant that Nagito would finally know the name of his soulmate, right? Was his soulmate alive and he just didn’t want to say? Another impermanence. Another thing to be uncertain about. Another risk.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The small plaster came off and left Hinata’s wrist bare for everyone to see those green letters inscribed there. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was inexplicable. The name inscribed on Hinata’s wrist said </span>
  <em>
    <span>Nagito Komaeda.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh.” Nagito said quietly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Hajime Hinata was his soulmate.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>huh…?!</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Leaving you on a cliffhanger &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Revelations</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Komaeda’s face was entirely blank, all emotion instantly leaching from it upon reading the name on Hajime’s wrist. (His name.) </p><p>“Oh.”</p><p> </p><p>The secrets out.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I know this took a while to get out but this chapter clocks in at 7k words which is almost three times the length of the others. Hoo boy!!</p><p>warnings for unintentional deadnaming but as you know, that comes about quite a bit in this story.</p><p>this chapter hit a lot of personal notes! hope u enjoy &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Komaeda’s face was entirely blank, all emotion instantly leaching from it upon reading the name on Hajime’s wrist. (</span>
  <em>
    <span>His</span>
  </em>
  <span> name.) </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” Hajime couldn’t help that his voice came out so thickly, but he still hated it. He wanted to cry</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re Hanako-san...?” Komaeda asked uncertainty, his grey eyes drilling uncomfortably into Hajime’s wrist</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know how to explain it properly.” He said shakily, withdrawing his hand slightly. The other teen shifted his gaze up to Hajime’s eyes. Komaeda very rarely made eye contact, avoiding doing so on most occasions, so he really must be trying to grasp something</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But you are, Hanako-san, right? Ah... that doesn’t feel right though...” The white-haired boy broke his stare, looking instead at his own wrist, those green letters, eyes glassy. Hajime should have expected this sort of reaction, but it didn’t stop a pang of guilt spiking in his stomach.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m the same person. A lot of stuff happened since I moved away from you. My name isn’t Hanako though, not anymore at least.” Hajime shook his head </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay,” Komaeda muttered, “Sorry... this is a lot to process...I’m just really confused.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re allowed to be” He huffed a mirthless laugh, sniffing slightly. He owed Komaeda this explanation, at the very least “When we were friends back then, I wasn’t happy. You made everything more tolerable, but there wasn’t anything that could have been done at the time. Every time people called me ‘Hanako’ or ‘Hanako-chan’ it made me feel sick. I can’t really explain why, but I hated more than anything going to school in a dress, and being called a girl. It all just felt really, really wrong. It didn’t work with what my brain was telling me” Hajime sighed “You understand what someone being transgender means, right?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Komaeda's face flickered with recognition, some of the blankness leaving “Ah... Yes...yes, I do” He started nodding “I admittedly don’t know much, so my apologies, but I understand the basics haha.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Uh... thanks?” It felt weird, Komaeda wasn’t reacting badly, he was just taking what was being told to him quite civilly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Though, I am curious, if you don’t mind answering my useless questions, but why didn’t you tell me?” The other boy asked. Hajime would gladly answer any question he had for him, he deserved to know, after all.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I was scared. I didn’t want you or anyone else treating me like I’m different for something like this, I guess.” He shrugged “I dunno... it’s kinda stupid. Yet again, I’m really sorry for not being honest with you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Komaeda furrowed his eyes slightly “Hmm. I don’t really think of you as someone different, per se... Aha... I know it sounds a bit pathetic but I’m honestly glad that you told me now, because my brain probably would have just kept telling me that you’re Hanako-san every time I talked to you if you’d said something when we’d first met... If that makes sense.” He let out a breathy laugh, though he sounded a bit faint “hm. ignore my ramblings.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In a weird way, Hajime understood. That Komaeda would have forced himself to hang out with him or tried to force something to happen that wasn’t there. Or maybe that he would have subconsciously still registered Hajime as Hanako instead. It’d taken Hajime a while to process that stuff too, and he was the one directly experiencing it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I guess it makes sense.” Hajime shrugged. Komaeda seemed to rethink his words</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What I’m trying to say is that I like you for being Hajime, not for being Hanako. I asked you on a date because I really like you for being you, not because you’re my soulmate. I think if you’d told me earlier, I might’ve seen you for just being good luck and a break from all of this pain, and that would have been extremely selfish and almost totally unforgivable of me.” Komaeda sighed, eyes going to the name on his wrist</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hajime’s heart fluttered at the use of his first name, and the utter earnesty in the other’s voice. His face was warm (it had started out as embarrassment, but this was something else)</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think you’d be selfish to want to feel secure, Komaeda.” Hajime hesitantly placed his hand on the other’s, the teen jolting slightly but not drawing his palm away “I still should have told you all of this sooner. The fact that you were still scared regardless of if you liked me or not was selfish of me, not you. I know I already said something like this, but I won’t let anything bad happen to me, and by extension, I won’t let anything bad happen to you or your family.” Hajime felt his eyes grow watery again and he looked up to the other, who was also desperately trying to compose himself </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“O-okay.” Komaeda's smile was wobbly but sweet in its own way “I’m sorry Hinata-kun... I’m quite a mess aren’t I... hahaha. This is just a lot to take in.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>(He still called him Hinata-</span>
  <em>
    <span>kun</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Even after all of this he understood. Even after all of this Hajime was still Hinata-</span>
  <em>
    <span>kun</span>
  </em>
  <span>. He couldn’t help the warmth that brought to his chest) </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I think we’re both a bit of a mess.” Hajime chuckled, wiping his eyes with his free hand, squeezing Komaeda’s fingers with his other</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mm... can I hug you?” The pale teen asked, his face flushed, not making eye contact</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, c’mon over to my side—” Hajime shuffled over in his booth, Komaeda nearly flinging himself at him, thin arms wrapping themselves tightly around Hajime’s torso, burying his face the crook of the other’s neck. It took the brunette a few seconds to register, but he smiled, doing the same, carding his fingers through Komaeda’s fluffy mop of hair</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I can’t believe it’s you. I still can’t believe that it’s actually, truly you,” Komaeda murmured, laughing a little at the end of his sentence. “I missed you a lot, Hinata-kun. It’s so silly... you were right here the whole time”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ppft... Yeah, sorry about that.” He smiled,”You can call me Hajime if you want, by the way.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hajime Hinata...” Komaeda mumbled, face sliding down into Hajime’s chest, sighing “It would be an honor... Could you call me Nagito, like you used to?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’d love to. We’re soulmates, that’s kind of what we’re meant to do. Uh... I’m sorry for wrecking your date.” Hajime nervously let go of the embrace, trying to gauge the other’s reaction</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The other teen frowned “Ruined my date? No? I’m super happy right now! A little shocked, though, aha...If you want to part ways then feel free, I’m sure you wouldn’t want to spend time with-“</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nagito, I want to stay with you. I’m glad I didn’t fuck this whole thing up, because I wasn’t lying, I really like you too, and I want to become close with you again.” Hajime offered the other a smile, which was instantly returned, both of them probably bright pink from how much they’d been flushing. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“O-oh. Ahaha... I’m so lucky, truly.” Komaeda laughed a bit.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hajime didn’t put his bandaid back on. He didn’t need to. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They both ended up ordering their food, sitting down across from each other. Both of them sat in silence for a minute. Hajime needed to process and so did Komaeda. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Looking at the two words on his wrist, Hajime couldn’t quite believe that had gone so well. That the other hadn’t taken it as an offence, and that he’d so readily accepted it. Taken Hajime into his arms and said that he was okay for being how he was. This wasn’t love quite yet, but it felt pretty damn close, the soft warm feeling in his chest all encompassing and kind. It was the feeling of wanting to live in this moment forever. The guilt was still there, but it wasn’t nearly what it had been</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hajime couldn’t possibly imagine what was going through Komaeda’s mind here. That Hajime was so different from who he had been his head as his soulmate, or that he’d missed the signs and didn’t work it out. This wouldn’t be easy for him at all, especially when all of this was something that affected him so much. He didn’t even have the same name, let alone even looked remotely similar or act the same. It was basically like he was a different person. He wasn’t though, and maybe Hajime had tried to escape that. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The truth was that Hajime had wanted to escape being Hanako by completely changing himself. Physically, that was alright, he’d needed that to actually survive, but he’d changed who he was to simply try and forget that he was different in such a way. He was Hajime, but he... he could allow those guards to come down a bit now, right? He didn’t have to pretend around Komaeda. He could learn how to smile and be happy again. Hajime could learn how to be himself again now, right? It probably wouldn’t be so different from how he appeared to be, but in a way he knew he could finally let go of a lot of the things that continuously kept holding him back so very much</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay I’m done, thank you. Can you tell me what happened once you left? I do admit, I’m curious now” A friendly grin was set on Komaeda’s face again, eyes thankfully no longer blank</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh yeah... alright” Hajime nodded. He started going over everything that had happened. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His dad left weeks after they moved after finding his soulmate, him and his mom settling down and having to deal with the lack of a father figure and husband, Hajime coming out to her only a week or so after that, not able to stand the idea of going to another school being called Hanako. It was obvious by that point- He’d gotten fed up and cut all of his hair off, but it had always been something stuck in Hajime’s head, how his mom had told him that she’d try to understand, for him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The first school he’d been to, the kid of his father’s soulmate had gone there, so he’d seen his dad when he’d gone to pick the kid up. This had been months after not even hearing from him, and he’d seen his own father’s surprised face as he’d been recognised in front of his replacement. Hajime had been invited to dinner that night by him, leaving him to explain the very best he could. It had been wise to not have brought his new soulmate, nor her child. It hurt Hajime enough that he was no longer worth his father’s time, let alone that he was replaced. He hadn’t really heard much from his father since, besides occasionally having an awkward conversation on the phone, or being invited to dinner with his soulmate (now his wife) and her kid. Hajime had always found an excuse not to attend. It wasn’t like they weren’t good people, it was just that the brunette found that he simply did not belong there. It wasn’t really his family. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He’d moved with his mother again, to a district further away, around a year later, and they’d stayed there since, getting Aki around a year ago when they’d been financially stable enough to properly care for a dog. During that time, however, Hajime had always been mostly alone. He’d had friends, passing, not very close bonds with people, but finally, he could have a chance at that again with Komaeda. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“—And then you showed up again, after this entire time, and you... you. I don’t really know what else to say, it felt like everything I’d worked so hard for had been ripped to shreds but at the same time I couldn’t believe it was actually you. I mean, I never really thought about trying to find you, and now I’m actually here, and once I’ve gotten to properly know you again, I realised how much of a mistake that was because you’re honestly just... well you’re you. And you’ve made me a lot happier, so thank you again for that.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hajime...” Komaeda murmured “thank you for trusting me...” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The brunette shook his head slightly “Thank you more for trying to understand everything. I’m really lucky to have you.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hm... I think I’m luckier... I still can’t believe that I stupidly told you that we couldn’t be friends because we weren’t soulmates. How did that even feel for you to hear that full well knowing?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“In hindsight, funny. Though at the time I felt awful. I just wanted to grab your shoulders and say ‘I’m literally right here’” Hajime let a loose laugh out “I was super guilty, for like. A lot of it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Komaeda smiled “you could have told me at any time and really, I would have reacted the same. It doesn’t really matter that you’re a bit different now, you’re still my soulmate.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, yeah. I know that now” Hajime said dryly, realising that Komaeda didn’t really get that kind of tone very well, so he let his face soften “Though it means a lot.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The taller boy didn’t really respond for a few seconds, eyes roaming over Hajime’s face, blinking slowly. It wasn’t anything new, but Hajime tilted his head slightly, Komaeda realising, shaking himself out of whatever stupor he had been in, eyes wide </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Haha... sorry it just keeps hitting me every few seconds that you’re actually my soulmate and we were actually best friends six years ago. My poor brain still hasn’t processed it, apparently. Aha” Komaeda rubbed his temples, dramatically closing his eyes in focus. “Hajime Hinata, my soulmate... ah that feels both really nice and really strange...” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hajime laughed. That summed it up pretty well. Really nice and really strange. The tingling feeling he was getting right now was not unwelcome, it sat warmly in his chest </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Really? Calling Nagito Komaeda my soulmate feels great” A grin fell onto his face, Komaeda’s face flushing obviously. All of how awkward it had been at the beginning had finally evaporated, leaving exactly what Hajime had hoped to be there. It was similar to what they’d had all that time ago, but a bit different. Just how they were now. Similar, but different. It’s not that they were seperate people, because they really weren’t, but they’d both evolved a lot. He still couldn’t believe that Komaeda now knew everything, that he was okay with it all. The confusion and shock was just normal and reasonable, that was the thing, and Komaeda’s kindness hadn’t ceased whatsoever. None of what he was saying now felt at all like an act, it was if he was almost relieved.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s funny, I really wanted you to be my soulmate, I thought my wrist said the wrong Hinata, when it really didn’t. I can’t get over how silly my entire dilemma was! Haha…” Komaeda chuckled “Ah… this is such amazing luck for me, truly”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah… surprise..?” Hajime joked, but he was thinking more about what the other boy had just said, his face somehow heating up more</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Even before today… that’s what Komaeda thought? Hajime admittedly had gone through a lot of reconsidering through their relationship. He’d gone from wishing he hadn’t had him as a soulmate at all, to well, wishing with all of his heart that he’d be liked back by him after being told all of this. And then there was now, and the tanned boy couldn’t help but think he’d never, ever trade his name for any other, and seeing those green letters on his wrist made his heart sing. Finally, </span>
  <em>
    <span>finally, </span>
  </em>
  <span>he’d be able to be okay, and he wouldn’t be so alone anymore. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They got their food almost instantly afterwards, and it steamed in a way which made it look </span>
  <em>
    <span>extremely </span>
  </em>
  <span>appetising. He’d remembered that Komaeda had told him in the first days they’d met that from his illnesses he found it hard to eat, which probably added to why he was so thin. He was starting to look a little better, but maybe that was just Hajime looking for things that weren’t there</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey… Nagito. You mentioned that you had issues eating right? Is that getting better?” Hajime asked, snapping his chopsticks and going for his udon, Komaeda doing the same</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, I forgot I mentioned that! I have a few different issues, really. The radiation therapy made my appetite quite measly, but my issues with eating are apparently more psychological, aha. I guess I’m just a picky eater- it feels weird swallowing some things, that’s all. No need to worry- it’s getting a bit better with time” Komaeda rambled, smiling, swirling around his udon in the bowl, watching the noodles quite intently </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s good. You look a bit better from when you first came here, and that was only like, a month ago, so you’re obviously doing well with that” Hajime nodded. This udon was amazing, Komaeda definitely picked the right spot to go, for sure.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mhm! I’m only a few pounds underweight now, so it’s better than it had been before... it’s taking a while but I’ll get there eventually” The other smiled, looking up at Hajime, who instantly returned the gesture</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You will, I have no doubt. I’m super glad you’re taking care of yourself” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thank you, and, of course! If I didn’t, I’d only hinder everyone else, so it’s a win win, I guess. At least that’s what I was told, haha” -A nervous chuckle interrupted his sentence before he continued “-Besides, with you here, my issues probably won’t come back, so I can recover without feeling paranoid.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yet again, sorry for not saying anything sooner” Hajime cringed slightly, Komaeda shaking his head</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know why you didn’t, you don’t need to apologise anymore, silly.” The white-haired boy booped Hajime on the nose, offering a little grin, the brunette finding his entire face heating up, knowing that there was most definitely a blush on his face.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“O-okay. Thanks.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The rest of their lunch really was lovely, the whole date (Hajime still couldn’t believe he was going on a </span>
  <em>
    <span>date. </span>
  </em>
  <span>With his </span>
  <em>
    <span>soulmate </span>
  </em>
  <span>no less.) The food was really good, and they chatted lightly about dumb things that normal teenagers would. Komaeda barely had to get into the conversational rhythm that he usually needed, all of the awkwardness already over. It was just really nice. Hajime was beginning to suspect Komaeda had started seeing a psychologist, because every so often he’d correct a self-deprecating remark, replacing it with something more neutral. Even in a short time, he’d been improving a lot. Maybe it was because Hajime was there, but he doubted it, Komaeda was really strong, he would have gotten better no matter if the other was there or not. The soulmate’s benefit was just a boost, nothing else. It was a lot like insurance, really. It prevented truly nasty things from happening to you and your soulmate. It wouldn’t stop mental disorders or get rid of terminal illnesses, but it would give some sort of unconscious motivation to keep going. Sort of like an adrenaline boost, Hajime figured.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Komaeda insisted on paying once they were done, even though he’d brought Hajime an </span>
  <em>
    <span>entire </span>
  </em>
  <span>bouquet of flowers and a plushie, happily informing the other boy that it was because he’d asked Hajime on the date, not the other way around. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Afterwards, they walked and talked, one of them grabbing the other’s hand at some point, neither of them remembering who. Hajime made sure to stay clear of the busier parts of the shopping centre for Komaeda’s sake, going into stores and looking at the little knick-knacks that were in them. The white-haired boy saw something particularly of interest in one of the smaller stores, dragging Hajime towards it</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hajime, look at it!” Komaeda gushed, pointing gleefully at something, </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What is ‘it.’ I don’t know what you’re asking about?” Hajime looked at the mountain of things in the shop window, trying to see what Komaeda was fussing about</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, right. The big hedgehog, the one next to the rabbit? It looks like you! It’s the same colours as your hair and it’s got the same spikiness about it.” He explained happily, pulling Hajime into the store, picking up the soft toy and looking it over</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah? You look a bit like the rabbit. I mean, with the fluffy white hair, and everything, it’s pretty spot on,” Hajime countered, lifting the large rabbit with his free hand and showing it to the other teen, who laughed a little</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We should buy them… I mean this store isn’t too expensive, I can get us both of them--”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No way! You paid for lunch </span>
  <em>
    <span>and </span>
  </em>
  <span>you probably busted god knows how much on the flowers and the other plushie. I’ll pay, no arguing”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They both ended up arguing over it, Komaeda’s self-sacrificing streak in full fling as they bickered playfully over it, the taller boy eventually giving up and letting Hajime pay, to his dismay. With the flowers and the rabbit he was now holding, the brunette couldn’t even hold Komaeda’s hand, the second he even thought about trying, one of the many objects somehow worming its way out of his grasp.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Every so often, Hajime would get a glance at Komaeda’s wrist. He’d been hoping that once he’d said something, that the name would change, but it was more wishful thinking than anything. The name tattoos were unfairly permanent, the only time they ever changed was when they went a different colour. There was some level of acceptance there now, in the sense that they were still soulmates, regardless of the name the other’s wrist said. He hadn’t been bothered to put the bandaid back on, there wasn’t much of a need, really. He wouldn’t ask Komaeda to cover his name, it was Komaeda’s decision if he wanted to or not, not Hajime’s. Once he got back to school, Hajime would probably put the plaster back on, but just for now, it was fine leaving it off. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was starting to creep into the afternoon, and they’d both been at the shopping centre for a while, so Hajime cleared his throat slightly</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Uhm. Would you like to come back to my house? My mom can pick us up, if you want. She really wants to see you again, if that’s okay.” Hajime awkwardly adjusted his collar, Komaeda’s face lighting up, eyes sparkling</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Really? You’d allow me to come to your house?” He asked, a smile spreading across his face </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, yeah. We can drive by yours if you want to grab your school clothes for tomorrow, but I’d really like to spend more time with you, if that’s okay.” Hajime mumbled the last few words, but he’d already essentially made his intentions clear. Quickly dialing up his mom, he decided to keep that he was with Komaeda a surprise. She hadn’t seen him in years, and half the time Hajime had felt like she’d missed him in the time they hadn’t been together than Hajime had. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Any time spent with Hajime is such an honor! I’m afraid if anything else good happens today I’ll simply burst with happiness!” Komaeda chirped, hugging the huge hedgehog tightly, bouncing on his heels</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m sure you can handle it” Hajime nudged the other boy with his shoulder “C’mon, let’s go find somewhere to sit while my mom gets here”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yessir!” Komaeda said jokingly, giving a mock salute, Hajime just offering a grin and eye roll with it. They eventually found a seat, leaning on each other while they waited for their ride to pull up, both of them in comfortable silence. The amount of things Hajime was carrying got him a few weird stares, the sunflowers being probably the biggest eyecatcher. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Eventually, a car horn sounded and Hajime knew his mother was here, getting Komaeda and cramming themselves into the backseat, the brunette moving the flowers to the front and sighing, glad to no longer be holding so many things. His mom turned around in her seat and her eyes widened, Komaeda’s face doing the same, his mouth going in a perfect little ‘o’</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hinata-san? Is that really you?” He gawked. It’s not like Hajime’s mom would have suddenly disappeared or become a different person in the six years they’d been apart, but the fact they hadn’t seen each other for so long had probably made his memory of her blurry</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“God, I hope I don’t look so old you don’t recognise me properly.” His mom scoffed, though Hajime knew it was just to see the same instantly apologetic nature of Komaeda, his pale face looking mortified </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh no! You don’t look old at all! I was meaning more in the sense of, ‘I cannot believe it’s really you’ type thing. I truly hope you didn’t get the impression that I think you look--”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He was cut off by a chuckle from the front seat “It was just a joke, kiddo, I know I’ve aged well, don’t worry.” His mom sighed, looking around again “it’s been a really long time, hasn’t it. You’ve grown a ton.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, that is what happens when you’re a teenager, Hinata-san,” Komaeda replied matter-of-factly, Hajime laughing at the comment</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Haha. Very funny.” The dry voice of his mom sounding from the seat in front, the white-haired boy frowning and telling her that it wasn’t really a joke, eyebrows furrowed, Hajime interrupting their conversation</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey mom, can Nagito stay over tonight? All we need to do is go to his house and pick up some clothes for school.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His mom gave him the </span>
  <em>
    <span>look </span>
  </em>
  <span>at the use of Komaeda’s firstname, but shrugged “Why not. Tell me the address and you can both pop in quickly, alright?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Both boys nodded, and five minutes later they were pulling up to Komaeda’s house, the duo hopping out of the car and inside as quietly as they could, though to no surprise being greeted by at least one of the motley crew of children inside. The light-haired girl of Komaeda’s foster siblings bolting up to them, pestering the both of them with questions about their date. Hajime realised he’d forgotten to cover his wrist until Kotoko had grabbed him and inspected it, something that looked almost smug crawling onto her face as Hajime ripped his wrist away, face burning</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I </span>
  <em>
    <span>knew </span>
  </em>
  <span>you were soulmates” She cheered “Nagi-chan is an </span>
  <em>
    <span>idiot!!</span>
  </em>
  <span> Don’t you agree, Hinata-kun?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What? No. Nagito isn’t an idiot. He just… didn’t realise. I guess?” Hajime shoved his hands in his pockets as Komaeda came out of his room with his school bag and clothes</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If this is about me being dumb, I admit, I was a little blind in this situation.” Komaeda chuckled, continuing on “To be fair to me, I didn’t know that could even be a possibility. These kinds of instances happen so rarely that I assumed that it was simply a de-facto sort of thing.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sort of. Maybe I’m just more educated about these things” Kotoko put her hands on her hips, walking off “Anyway, enjoy frolicking around! Bye!!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hajime blinked, and like that, they were back in the car, his face bright red. The small girl hadn’t seemed to care either, completely nonplussed as she called Hajime out on what he felt like was his biggest secret. It wasn’t anymore, was it? Something about who he was shouldn’t be a secret, right? It just shouldn’t be considered something so important that it became such a big keep-away for him in the first place. It should matter less when people knew, and for some reason, for Komaeda and these kids, it truly didn’t mean anything all that special. It was like having blue eyes or something. It was a little different, but it didn’t make him less normal as a whole. Taking a deep breath, Hajime felt himself let go of something he was unable to even properly reach in the first place. Was this some sort of acceptance? That he was okay being who he was? Seeing that name on Komaeda’s wrist and knowing that while it said the wrong name, it was still undoubtedly </span>
  <em>
    <span>him. </span>
  </em>
  <span>The name didn’t really matter anyway. He was Hajime Hinata, and that wasn’t going to be changed anytime soon. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A smile worked its way onto his face as they got out of the car, the two boys heading up to Hajime’s room, the flowers being left downstairs, everything else left on the floor as Hajime essentially tackled Komaeda into a hug</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“O-oh! What’s this for? Any reason?” Komaeda asked, arms wrapping their way around Hajime’s back,</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m just really happy. I’m super happy right now, you know that?” Hajime gave Komaeda a little squeeze, the white-haired teen laughing a little</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I was about to say… you feel happier. I’m glad I get to play a part in all of this, to see you shine so brightly- it’s almost blinding-” The pale boy explained, fluffy head being buried in Hajime’s shoulder “I can see you properly now, for who you really are.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The brunette frowned a bit at that “So who am I really?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Another little laugh “Isn’t it obvious? You’re my soulmate, Hajime. And you’re-” Komaeda froze a little, trying to gather his words, trying again “--You’re someone I love.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Oh. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Oh. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The other’s face slid down, pressed against Hajime’s now quickly increasing heartbeat, spindly fingers dancing over his shoulders</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“U-uhm.” Hajime mumbled, his face surely challenging the colour of a tomato at this point, arms still around the other boy, not really wanting to take them away but he wasn’t sure what to </span>
  <em>
    <span>do. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That was inappropriate wasn’t it. Aha… sorry. Curiosity killed the cat, no? I just wanted to see how you’d react” Komaeda chimed, withdrawing, a little smile on his face</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You love… m-me?” Hajime stuttered, trying to bring the burning in his cheeks down, his whole head feeling like it might simply just blow up if he was subjected to any more strain like this.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You make me happier than anyone else… how couldn’t I?” Grey eyes scanned his face, half lidded, a small smile appearing there “You’re simply wonderful.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So are you, dummy. Can I have a bit longer to say I love you back though? I dunno if I can fully say it yet, if that's alright…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hm? We have all the time in the world- I don't expect you to say anything- I wouldn’t even expect you to </span>
  <em>
    <span>like </span>
  </em>
  <span>me back--”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“-- But I do” Hajime countered “I really </span>
  <em>
    <span>really </span>
  </em>
  <span>like you. You don’t even know how </span>
  <em>
    <span>relieved </span>
  </em>
  <span>I am right now, to know that you’re alright with all of this.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>This elicited a chuckle from Komaeda, who snuggled back into Hajime again “Always” he muttered, “It’s an honor to be close to you in such a way.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They spent a good portion of their afternoon like this, just chatting and cuddling, looking through the old photo albums and pointing out little things that they thought were funny, Hajime listening on when Komaeda told stories about his siblings and different foster homes. He’d gotten put in one with a bunch of ragtags from everywhere, including a kid who’d been arrested for a whole bunch of minor crimes as a twelve year old. Apparently he was a nightmare to deal with. Hajime had no doubt he had been.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We should try and see if we can get the name to change.” Komaeda suggested after a few minutes “It’s weird how it hasn’t, honestly. I would have thought that having you register in my head as Hajime now it would go to that”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mmm. Apparently not.” Hajime mumbled, looking down at the stark </span>
  <em>
    <span>Hanako Hinata </span>
  </em>
  <span>still obvious on the other’s wrist. Komaeda was looking at it too, eyebrows furrowed</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I think we should both try and kiss it,” The white-haired boy frowned, Hajime instantly feeling his face going completely hot as Komaeda put his lips to the tattoo, pulling away pretty quickly, but it still felt like Hajime was being kissed. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Oh man…</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The name didn’t go away, or change, but it still put shivers down Hajime’s spine. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s annoying.” Komaeda pouted, tilting his head slightly “Alright, your turn” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hajime felt himself cringe slightly “Oh. Um. Alright” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Komaeda held out his wrist, the brunette closing his eyes and quickly pecked it, looking down at it and sighing. It was still right there. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No luck” Hajime shrugged “It was worth the try. Thanks”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No problem!” Komaeda said happily, “Though, I do hope it does eventually change, for your sake.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Even if it doesn’t, I don’t really mind. We’re still soulmates, right?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Absolutely!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His mother’s voice sounded from downstairs, calling them down for dinner, the two boys going down the stairs to find a few pizzas sitting there. His mom looked expectant. Probably for answers. Hajime hadn’t really explained what he had been doing when he’d gone out this morning, so his mom definitely would’ve been a bit surprised when Komaeda hopped in the car with him, years older yet instantly recognisable. They’d done this years ago, when Hajime’s dad had been out, all three of them had sometimes sat down and ordered pizza. Komaeda’s parents had never really been there all that much. They’d been super wealthy, literally living in a mansion, but hadn’t really dealt with a younger version of Komaeda very well. He’d needed a lot more support than he’d actually gotten, so instead the other boy usually tended to stay around Hajime’s house more. Hajime’s mom had been really kind to him, she’d always treated him like a second son or at least a close relative. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hajime always remembered when Komaeda had come to Hajime’s home in one of his quiet moods and his mom always managed to coax him back out, purely by just being there. The brunette could only remember Komaeda’s chatty moments recently- though Hajime doubted that he’d ‘grown out’ of those quiet phases, because it didn’t really seem like something he’d grow out of. All of Komaeda’s little mannerisms and quirks directly reflected how he’d been then too. He seemed to be able to catch himself on things, was a little more aware. It was nice, in a sense, to see that his friend had evolved so much as a person. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So, Nagito. It’s been a really long time, huh?” Hajime’s mom grinned</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It has! A lot has happened, hasn’t it? You look the same, which I’m glad for! How have you been?” Komaeda asked</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ve been good! A lot has happened. You look about the same too. A lot taller-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And the white hair,” Hajime added, halfway through a piece of pizza. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And the white hair!” She echoed “How did that even happen kid?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know if Hajime told you but I got lymphoma a few years ago, and while the radiation therapy didn’t make my hair fall out, it made it go white. Apparently it was a bit of a phenomenon, really. I’m just glad I still have hair… aha.” Komaeda smiled a little, playing with the locks in question </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hajime mentioned it. Are you fully better?” She asked</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m cancer free, if that’s what you meant.” The other teen shrugged, continuing “This is good pizza by the way! Thank you!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No problem. You should stay over every so often, we’d love to have you.” Hajime’s mom said, her son nodding</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’d be an honor to stay with people as wonderful as you guys!” Komaeda chirped</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The rest of dinner was just further catching up on what had been going on. The cotton-haired boy had confirmed that he’d been going to therapy and had been properly diagnosed (with who knows what- he hadn’t really said), allowing him to be able to handle himself better. He seemed really comfortable with everything he was talking about, almost nonplussed as he happily talked to both of them about his various life experiences. Even within this short period of time, Komaeda seemed like he was healing a great deal from a lot of stuff. That he was recovering. Hajime had been </span>
  <em>
    <span>so </span>
  </em>
  <span>self absorbed that he definitely hadn’t been noticing all of these little parts of Komaeda he was seeing now- all of these lovely little bits, like the want to improve himself and the chilled-out kind of nonchalance about so many things. Hajime had missed out. He couldn’t believe he was so selfish up until now. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The brunette closed his eyes. He won’t let that happen again. Becoming so self-centered to the point of not noticing things about his friends and the people he cares about wasn’t something he could let happen again. Just because he was dealing with a bunch of shit didn’t mean he was excused to suddenly forget that other people weren’t doing well either.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Once they left the table and got up to Hajime’s room, he felt the tell-tale pains in his ribcage, groaning as he flopped onto the bed. Admittedly he didn’t want to take his binder off around Komaeda, who </span>
  <em>
    <span>was </span>
  </em>
  <span>okay with it, but it didn’t make the shame of having to take it off any less. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hajime suddenly sat bolt upright as Komaeda started getting undressed, taking off his shirt like it was nothing and pulling his pyjamas out of his bag. He was rail thin</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“H-hey? What are you doing?” Hajime spluttered, the white-haired boy frowning, still shirtless</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We’re both boys…right? Though I’m sorry if I’ve read the situation wrong.” Komaeda chuckled nervously</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nah, you’re good. Um… I can’t really take my shirt off around people, though.” The brunette felt his face heat up, instinctively crossing his arms. The other boy’s eyes widened slightly in realisation</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh… okay. I won’t be looking if you do… Whatever makes you comfortable!” The pale boy smiled. Hajime felt something bloom in his chest, feeling warm</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Alright. Thank you.” He nodded, unbuttoning his shirt as Komaeda kept doing his own thing. He didn’t really think it would matter too much if the other did end up looking, but his utter earnesty really suggested that he wouldn’t, which somehow made him feel even more of this soft feeling. It felt like he was normal, that he was just Hajime. That to Komaeda, that’s simply how it was, regardless of their entire past, regardless that they were soulmates, regardless of that incorrect name printed on his wrist.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They watched movies until it was really late, one of them at some point lacing their fingers together, Komaeda leading his head of fluffy hair on Hajime’s shoulder. They just got a smile from Hajime’s mom as she came up and gave them both a bowl of ice cream, no other comment (though Hajime knew she was </span>
  <em>
    <span>definitely </span>
  </em>
  <span>going to talk to him about all of this once Komaeda left the next day)</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>This was exactly what Hajime had hoped for and more, everything he’d wished for had come true, hadn’t it. Every little thing. And god, did it feel amazing. He definitely hadn’t expected Komaeda to be so quick to go back to what they’d had before (or sort of. There was a romantic implication this time, wasn’t there?) </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was late now, Hajime could feel his eyelids drooping, Komaeda dozed off next to him, half-asleep with his fluffy head laid on his shoulder, cuddling the hedgehog he’d bought earlier. No way was he allowed to be that cute looking</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey…” Hajime nudged the sleepy boy, who looked up pathetically, like he was about to fall asleep again</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mhm?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s late, so can I just pop my computer away? Then we can sleep. Sorry if I woke you up.” Hajime apologised, closing his laptop and placing it on the floor, along with their two bowls</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Alright… you didn’t wake me up. I was kind of awake. Aha… sort of,” Komaeda mumbled awkwardly, obviously too tired to properly put words together. The brunette found himself smiling, turning off his light and snuggling under the covers. Neither of them had made the comment that they were sharing a bed, and neither of them were going to. Especially not when Komaeda snuggled down too, the tanned boy reaching out and holding one of his hands. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey… I just want to say thank you for today” Hajime said softly, “thank you for everything, really.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Komaeda took a little longer to reply, fighting off sleep “Haha… silly Hajime. You don’t need to thank me… it’s just what soulmates do for eachother.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Maybe… Now go to sleep.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Alright, alright!” Komaeda giggled, his voice taking on a softer quality, “Goodnight Hajime.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Goodnight Nagito”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As he sat there, feeling someone next to him, Hajime realised that he’d needed someone like this a long time ago. He should have held on a lot tighter to Komaeda when he had been younger. It was pure luck that they’d met again, even luckier that they’d been able to well and truly recconnect. Though, right now, they seemed somewhat closer than they’d been before. Both of them were somehow more whole. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hajime wasn’t asleep yet, and he could see the white curls of Komaeda’s hair even in the darkness, their fingers interlocked. He couldn’t tell in the dark, but he knew it was the wrist that displayed his name. It wasn’t the right name, nor was he ever truly called </span>
  <em>
    <span>Hanako Hinata, </span>
  </em>
  <span>but in the same way, those letters on Komaeda’s pale wrist being incorrect didn’t mean they weren’t soulmates. It didn’t matter anymore. They were both here now. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thinking back on what they’d done today, all of the things they’d spoken about. How they’d both gone from crying to laughing at each other to hugging and holding hands. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>How Komaeda had said he was in love with Hajime. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Thinking about it now… that blossoming, warm feeling in his chest. The happiness he now felt… That was what Komaeda had been talking about, right? There were so many feelings there, all positive- trust, appreciation, relief, gratefulness, comfort, joy. All things that lead to one universal emotion. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Love.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It should have been obvious- falling in love with your soulmate was almost inevitable, in one way or another- but it hit Hajime hard.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He was in love with Nagito Komaeda</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Mustering up his courage, Hajime felt himself speaking before he really thought too hard about it</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“...I love you Nagito,” Hajime confessed quietly, not even sure if the other could hear. A tiny hitch of the other’s breath was the only response he got, Komaeda squeezing Hajime’s hand a little tighter. He’d heard.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They both fell asleep soon afterwards, hands still intertwined</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was dark, so neither of them could see it. But if they were to turn on the lights and look at Komaeda’s wrist, the two boys would find it no longer read Hanako Hinata, that name fading away and being replaced.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Those green letters showed a new name. The </span>
  <em>
    <span>true</span>
  </em>
  <span> name of Komaeda’s soulmate- that being </span>
  <em>
    <span>Hajime Hinata. </span>
  </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>the end &lt;3</p><p>Im a sucker for soft corny endings. What can i say</p><p> </p><p>thank you for reading and all of your kind words ! I love you all!</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks for reading!<br/>(find me on instagram @yeetbixed !)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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